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In Case You Take it All Too Seriously...

Posted: 05/01/05 23:45, Edited: 05/02/05 07:52

by Dave Mindeman

When the current government power brokers get you down, I guess you have to start thinking about how absurd it all is. Here are a few Right Wing Slants on definitions in the news. I'm sure you can think of others so feel free to post them in the comments section below. Here goes:

Current Republican definitions:

Checks and Balances: send us a check and we'll take care of the balance.
Bi-Partisan: The inclusion of any Democrat who agrees 100% with us.
Moral Value: How much the Christian Right contributes to the RNC in a year.
Judicial Discretion: Judges deciding cases in our favor.
Filibuster: What Republicans can do and Democrats can't.
Energy Bill: Waste management.
Budget Deficit: How we pay for things.
Ethics: Rules of conduct with moving definitions depending on what Tom Delay does.
Lobbyist: same as Budget Deficit above except insert the word "personal" before things.
Marriage Amendment: What we keep bringing up when we need to change the subject.
New Ideas: Old stuff we couldn't bring up before because we didn't control everything.
Faith Based Initiative: A means of funnelling government money into religious institutions while getting around the ACLU
Enemy Combatant: uh, we made that up.
Guantanamo: Cuban property for prisoner interrogation purposes; American property for all other purposes.
Fortune 500 Companies: our political base.
Libraries: places we can subpoena records from because W has never been there.

You get the idea. Its a strange planet we are on... time to go see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- it may make more sense.
comments (1) permalink
05/02/05 08:46
Current Democrat definitions:

Checks and Balances: send us a check and we'll go over our balance.
Bi-Partisan: The inclusion of any Republican who agrees 100% with us.
Moral Value: How much the Enviromental Movement contributes to the DNC in a year.
Judicial Discretion: Judges deciding cases in our favor.
Filibuster: What Democrats can do and Republicans can't.
Kyoto Treaty: Wasting the Economy.
Budget Deficit: How we pay for things.
Ethics: Rules of conduct with moving definitions depending on what Bill Clinton does.
Lobbyist: same as Budget Deficit above except insert the word "personal" before things.
Gay Rights and Enviromental Policy: What we keep bringing up when we need to change the subject.
New Ideas: Old stuff we plan to bring up when we control everything again.
Faith Based Initiative: An idea we wish we had come up with when we were in power.
Fortune 500 Companies: our political base too.
Libraries: places we wish we had the power to subpoena records from before W had come up with it.

 

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