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White House Abbey

Category: Donald Trump
Posted: 04/09/17 21:20

by Dave Mindeman

Welcome to White House Abbey. The continuing saga of life in the House of Trump.

When we last left Jared, he was off to the war zone in Iraq. He had to leave in the dead of night and couldn't take appropriate attire. He had to make due with his usual business casual and had to suffer through sand in his shoes...as well as his 30 pound flak jacket.

Meanwhile, Ivanka was setting up her new office in the West Wing and needed to expand the hall closet for the basic shoe necessities. Her office is a couple doors down from Creepy Steve Bannon, so she sometimes takes the service elevator to get to the main floor. When she was asked if she was worried about Jared - she said, "maybe a little, but Daddy did send his best body guard along to keep an eye on things."

With Melania holding down the homestead at Trump Tower, Ivanka has to pull double duty sometimes as White House hostess. The time gets consumed with choice of table cloths, napkin rings, and candle holders....(It gets difficult sometimes because she is used to a finer grade of accessories)...and especially with seating arrangements.. She almost made a huge faux pas when the Israelis were there at the same time as the Saudis...nearly putting the Saudi oil minister next to the Israeli foreign minister. It was quite embarrassing.

Down the hall, when Creepy Steve Bannon isn't skulking around Ivanka's office, he's following McMaster around, pestering him about NSA data that he insists he needs to know about. McMaster had to pull his credentials because Bannon kept wanting to pull Area 51 information for Alex Jones and his Info Wars program.

While Jared's away, Bannon will play. Although Jared insists that Bannon needs to get a better wardrobe or at least put socks on for Oval office meetings.

Reince is running helter skelter trying to keep up with the whims of the President. Staff people say that he goes into the Situation Room often and just sits and screams. And his teeth grinding at night has left him with a lot of dental work. Bannon likes to sneak up behind him and give him a wedgie just to listen to him screech in ultra soprano.

Vice President Pence is usually seen wandering the halls just smiling and giving people the sign of the cross. Nobody is sure what they are supposed to say to him - or if they should even tell him anything. He usually just says - "only if I need to know, only if I need to know." He holds the daily prayer time vigils each morning...while Trump is sleeping off his late night Twitter rages. One of the cabinet members will show up for the vigil each day to humor him and encourage him on his job performance.

Sean Spicer has been given sedatives each day at 11am so that he won't be visibly shaking when he meets the press. Spicer has 4 teams of press analysts to prepare for all the possible things that Trump might decide to respond to....and they have fitted him with a secret ear piece to give him a heads up. Sean has complained about the electrodes stuck on his nipples that give him a shock if he says something Trump doesn't like. Trump watches the press briefings with the shock button next to him. And when Spicer gets that dazed look in the middle of a sentence, it just means he got zapped.

Kellyanne Conway has seen her duties reduced. It all started a couple weeks ago when she came back from an interview babbling something about Bowling Green and complaining about having night sweats about it. Trump decided that maybe she should cut her work load down to 21 hours per day. Nobody really knows how she's doing because that wicked smile is stuck on her face 24/7.

Yes, the Trump group has constant intrigue and plenty of activity. Tune in again next time for the next episode of White House Abbey.
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