Posted: 02/06/10 12:14
by Dave Mindeman
A transcript of Tim Pawlenty's radio show in the near future.....
GOVERNOR TIM PAWLENTY: Good morning Minnesota! This is your Governor, your fearless leader, on the air. I've got a lot of things to cover this morning and I told the WCCO station manager that I was going to use 2 hours this morning. I told him if he didn't let me, I'd pull his license.
BRIAN MCCLUNG: Ahhhh, Governor, that is a FED license and you can't do that.
PAWLENTY: Yea, I know that. But he hasn't figured that out yet. Shhhhhh
PAWLENTY: OK, let's get to it. Lots to talk about. Especially about that legislature. You know, Brian, they are actually discussing modifying my unallotment powers? And then there is the bonding bill. A billion dollars? When I specifically told them I wanted 600 or 700 million. Don't they get it yet?
MCCLUNG: Apparently not, Governor.
PAWLENTY: Well, more on that later. First of all, I want to talk about this report that says another 100,000 people are uninsured in Minnesota. You know, Brian....When I go to these $500 a plate fundraisers or discuss things with these fat cat corporate execs, not a single one of them says they lost their health care. Not one.
MCCLUNG: Well, reallly Governor. Most of those meetings happen in Iowa, New Hampshire, Florida......this was a Minnesota report.
PAWLENTY: Well, who put out the report? Was it that BOGUS2020 group?
MCCLUNG: Ahh, no, Governor...by the way it is Minnesota2020...but no, Governor, that report actually came from our State Health Department.
PAWLENTY: Oh, OK,... Let me make a note. Things to Do List: Unallot State Health Department.
PAWLENTY: By the way, Brian, can I unallot this MIDWESTERN2020 group?
MCCLLUNG: No sir, they are privately funded.....and it is Minnesota 2020.
PAWLENTY: Damn!
PAWLENTY: Moving on....let's get back to the bonding bill. What really peeves me about that is that they completely ignored my request for the Moose Lake facility. Remember, Brian, how I made a big deal about those big screen TVs?
MCCLUNG: Yes, Governor.
PAWLENTY: Yea, I got lots of press on that one. Made me look really fiscally responsible. By the way, how did you like your TV?
MCCLUNG: It was great, Governor. Big hit for the Super Bowl.
PAWLENTY: Good Brian, glad you liked it. But getting back to my point. I wanted to get some more money funnelled in there. No telling what else they might buy and then I can swoop in and grab that stuff as well. I really want one of those iPADS.
MCCLUNG: Yea, Governor, I hear they're great.
PAWLENTY: But, we need to get that going. A Presidential candidate needs stuff to grease the skids if you know what I mean.
MCCLUNG: I hear ya, Governor.
PAWLENTY: And so, let's get back to the legislature again. It really ticks me off that they want to mess with my unallotment powers. Just can't have that. It makes me Super Governor you know. Powers that no other Governor can hope to have. They are trying to hit me with Kryptonite, as it were. Trying to take away those super powers. I sent them a letter, you know.
MCCLUNG: Oh-oh. Has it come to that?
PAWLENTY: Yes it has. I used my lucky veto pen to write it. That way they have to pay attention. I told 'em Brian, they are messing with the powers of the universe -- the dark matter that holds it all together. I simply am not going to allow it.
MCCLUNG: But Governor, they are the legislative branch.
PAWLENTY: Haa! Not for long. That's my big announcement today. Today, I am officially stating that I am UNALLOTING THE ENTIRE STATE LEGISLATURE.
MCCLUNG: My gosh, Governor, I didn't think you could do that.
PAWLENTY: You forget, Brian, I am the super-Governor. I can do things that Arnold can only dream of.
MCCLUNG: But Governor, I think that is clearly unconstitutional.
PAWLENTY: That's the beauty of it, Brian. They would have to challenge it in the Supreme Court. But tomorrow, I am unalloting all of the court's funding. They'll have to lock the doors until they can raise enough from bake sales or something to get back into session. Meanwhile, I rule!
MCCLUNG: That all seems a little drastic.
PAWLENTY: I know, Brian. I hated for it to have to come to this. But it is all there fault, you know, they just wouldn't listen. I told them what I wanted and they just wouldn't do things exactly as I intended. It just can't be helped.
MCCLUNG: It's too bad it had to come to this.
PAWLENTY: Yes, Brian, it is. But I must use my super-powers for corporate good and not individual evil.
MCCLUNG: Thank you Governor, you are an inspiration.
PAWLENTY: I know, Brian, I know.
END OF TRANSCRIPT.
