Posted: 04/01/15 11:09
by Dave Mindeman
Wow! In a shocking new development, former Vice President Dick Cheney is throwing his hat into the 2016 ring. Surrounded by a number of former George W. Bush advisors, the former VP sounded determined to make a difference in the Republican primaries.
"We do not have enough war", noted Cheney. "We have become a weak nation and are not looking for enough avenues to exercise our military might - and might makes right!" ....as Cheney pumped his fist into the air.
Calling the rest of the current 2016 field a bunch of "centrist pansies", Cheney noted with confidence that "the base will support me". "They want me to take back the presidency for this Party".
John Bolton was on hand to lend his full support.
"Dick is just what we need right now. Israel could not have a better military friend....and a Cheney presidency will end the Iranian threat once and for all - one way or another," an excited Bolton said.
Paul Wolfowitz also joined the chorus. "Dick Cheney is a strong world leader. He will be the deterrent that will end the terrorist threat. The world will close ranks behind this great leader and take the world down the road of perpetual war that we have so desperately needed."
When asked about his health, Cheney was coy.
"The ticker is still hanging in there. We plan to revamp the White House with defibrillators in every room - and we also will get rid of every microwave in the White House. And the secret service will have a battery stash available for whatever electronic device is needed to keep me ready for every strategic contingency. You guys never thought I had a heart to begin with anyway (heh, heh)", said Cheney with that classic smirk.
Cheney was also asked about fundraising.
"Hell, that's no problem," Cheney quipped. "Halliburton and Lockheed are holding big fundraisers as we speak. No...no need to worry...war IS money."
Other Republican Presidential hopefuls tried to minimize their concern. Sen. Ted Cruz said, "Cheney isn't the only one who can be a strong leader. I can outhawk anybody."
Jeb Bush was asked how his brother would handle this. Jeb noted, "Well, my brother has had a long relationship with VP Cheney. We will have to see if George can get permission from Cheney to continue to support me."
Rand Paul noted, "Cheney will be a strong war candidate. I'll have some statements later that will make me seem more like him."
The political world has had yet another shake- up....
After all it is APRIL 1ST!!!